Howdy loyal fans,I am sure most of you, or should I perhaps be more realistic, and say the both of you who read this diary might have noticed the virtual lack of entries in recent times.
I know your thinking we have piss poor excuses like we are lazy bums who spent Monday-Sunday swilling the booze & wasting our hard earned centrelink payments on toys and snacky cakes.
However, you would be wrong if you had such realistic expections of us. For those of you who are not aware both Jake & myself have procured jobs at the illustrious Mistreal Inc. In reality thats a fancy smanchy way of saying we work as console operators for Shell Oil. Though the console work shouldn't be frowned upon, its not an easy task belive you me. Oh no, I have only just realised how utterly retarded the consumer can be.
For example, an old wino turned up today purchasing two packets of Winnie Blue Mild 40's. There is nothing hilarious about said purchase but his answer to my suggestive idea he might like some chewies to get extra fly buys points was met with a crinkled brow and a scoffing remark that 'What do i want chewies for, i can't smoke those!!' Its just one of many stories where the consumer has checked his brain in at the door.
Similiarly, another favourite consumer of mine is the skinny, grubby teenager who swears their is money on the bank card to pay for the miniscule $3.20 they purchased to place in their old run down rust bomb of a vehicle. When you inform them of their poverty all of a sudden you hit a sob story that would make Craig Wicks pack up his rugs and leave. Seriously its enough to make you cringe when you hear that 'the bank has closed my account, the police are closing in on my wearabouts, and my lil cousin Jimmy only has his own urine with which to survive on for the next fortnight.'
Out of sheer frustration I have found a compromise!!! Because Craig Wicks is being hounded by the cops due to his crazy 87% rug sale, he should dump the rugs out at Bunyadoorie and take all the poverty striken residents of Morayfield to live in the Woolstore for a small charge.
This crazy idea is part of my new Sales Expansion plan for Shell that I will be presenting sometime in the near future. Perhaps they will discover my genius and whack Jake & myself in cushy desk jobs creating policy. I swear we have upper management written all over us.
Anyways folks I have to hit the sack to prepare for another day of real actual work.
Your Customer Service Operator,
John Cutter
