If my watch is not mistaking me (which it often does - damned analogue) we are now only a month away from 'Romanous' - the centre point of the Festivas™ Celebrations. The 2002 Festivas™ celebrations are set to go off like a frog in a sock, and the party kicks off on December 1st with a celebration that has been passed down through hundreds of generations in our families, and only remains in its original form on two marble tablets buried deep in the Middle East next to the robes of Christ and the ark of the covenant. 'The Dayith Of Thine Shiny Panties' (roughly translated as 'New Pants Day') is one of the grandest days of the Festivas™ calendar. Although 'New Pants Day' sounds more like a time for hanging out the washing, (and let me assure you that’s not the case - the Eminem pants are to remain unwashed for another good three to twelve months) it is actually the day of new welcomings, where everyone must be introduced to new people as a way of extending the Festivas™ family - sort of like the now illegal pyramid scheme, Amway, and the Morman's.
Of course ’New Pants Day’ is only the start of the Festivas™ festivities. Soon after ’New Pants Day’ we have ’Romanous Eve’ or what we like to call 'Night ala Culkin'. In the fashion of Master Macaulay Culkin, this is the evening where we temporarily divorce the parents and send them off in the direction of anywhere but home. This religious experience is all about friends and nothing about family. This thus sets us in the best frame of mind for ’Romanous’, and leaves us with a scenario where we are Home Alone with only a few mates, our new friends, a lot of alcohol, and a video tape of 'Christmas Every Day' – which of course is how we celebrate Romanous. Romanous is what layman (or just the LAAME) call Christmas. Gift giving is kept to a minimum, the decorations have their own distinct appearance, and family get-togethers are strictly forbidden. With these exceptions aside Romanous is very similar to the conventional Christmas celebrations, where loud music is played and alcohol is imbibed through any possible orifice.
Of course Boxing Day has been replaced by Mudine Day for quite obvious reasons – it just ain’t boxing anymore if ‘The Man’ ain’t in it. These celebrations are also continued on through to the 27th with Russel Crowe Day, where Boxing Day literally becomes a full on fist-fight. And if these parties aren’t enough the Festivas™ celebrations are concluded on January 3rd with the party to end all parties. You might have noticed the lack of plans for New Years Eve, and there is a very deliberate reason for that, but I think I’ll get to that point sometime later – the season finale of Keifer is only minutes away and I’d hate to miss even a second of it.
So until next time loyal fans, keep it cool Daddy-O’s!
Love, Jake Jamieson…
