I am utterly buggered. From absolutely nothing to juggling basically two jobs at once my back, my eyes, and sleeping patterns are wearing the full brunt of this new cold front of savage employment. Since clocking off at 8pm tonight I have loved doing absolutely nothing, and it has been everything I was hoping it would be.Jealousy does not mean your in love. Jealousy means you’re selfish and irrational. Guilt is a far more rational emotion, but again does not mean love. Censorship is an evil power that should be left for only Thailand and other oppressed nations. The masses will rebel, the message will be heard but at a greater personal expense. Don’t put her through the bullshit we all had to endure.
Please excuse that brief but personal message brought to you by today’s sponsor: ‘Stupidity by Calvin Klein - a very snazzy and pungent odour perfect for when you’ve been wearing somebody else’s clothes for the last 10 days straight’.
But now for something completely dissimilar....
With all the Grammy's news heating up I have decided that despite my short-term lust obsession for Avril Lavigne she no longer stacks up any where near to Michelle Branch in comparison. Everyone might think Michelle is old news by now but oohh noo, she drops the dacks and leaves a big pile of stanley steamers on top of current pop-sensation Avril 'School ties are rebellious' Lavigne (even more so since the dumb Canadian punk-wannabe couldn't even pronounce David Bowie correctly... NOW, who swears she's punk and alternate?!?!!?).
I swear punk fans should be hunting the streets of Toronto for a dumb looking pale-white-girl wearing funky socks and a school tie so they can bend her over and stick a big bit of alternative life-style up her back door in the form of Bowie's 'The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars' LP. At least now I know where Avril gets her daggy skirts from… although they obviously looked a whole lot better on Bowie (and I mean that in the most heterosexual way possible!!).
And what’s the deal with throat-singing may I add?!? With both Norah Jones and John Mayer getting nominated for Grammies only because they can find their vocal cords somewhere half way down to their arseholes and can as such breath right out their rear-end while moaning some form of low-talking lyrical grunts.
Norah especially appears to be some sort of hit in the U.S. and is only just starting to find her way to the shores of Australia now. Hopefully the hype in the U.S. will fade away before local radio stations actually start begging for promo cd's before they are pinched up and mass distributed (at an overly inflated price) across the few dozen Norah Jones friendly e-Bay™ bidders still around.
Otherwise, I’m quite happy to give her the prestigious annual “Macy Gray try-hard best female vocalist with a weird but funny voice that will only be commercially successful for a brief period of time so pump out as many songs as possible before the public get annoyed of that ridiculous sound Musical Achievement Award”.
Yeah its jazzy, yeah its different, and yes she is talented, but its still not pop music. Jazz music is for hard-done by and mistreated black folk, as well as for the few refined and sophisticated sherry-sipping white peeps who believe soulful tunes make them better lovers. Merging the two above stated categories is going to be as successful as a corn-bred white boy with bleached blonde hair trying to sing phat raps and hip-hop tuuunes… and nobody wants to see that anymore!
Jake Jameson
