See here I was going to get myself ready for a written smacking, launching out against the Weird Truth review team. I was prepared to say how big a set of dickheads they were who wouldn’t know a funny joke if it fell out of their arse, got up, and then slapped them across the chops, leaving a big brown mark down the sides of their face and a putrid stench as a reminder. I was going to bag them out for having a shit site themselves (I do mean no disrespect now, but it is only a pre-made image-free template design ripped off another site), and slap them for disrespecting The Opposite of Tits. However to my greatest surprise they actually wrote a flattering review! I don’t want to rant, rave and boast about how great we are in the eyes of the critics, but 92 out of a maximum 100 is a pretty tits score if I do say so myself. Kudos to Weird Truth!!!
Overall we lost 4 points for our lack of regular updating (apparently at the time of reviewing we had only written 15 posts this year, but hell we suffered a nasty mourning period after January-3 thanks to a certain somebody who has since redeemed herself), and another 4 points for not having enough contact details. This later point I believe is worth arguing.
For starters we used to have an email link but nobody ever used it (to counter that though we never used to have any readers either). And secondly they themselves at Weird Truth only have a guestbook. Their email link doesn’t even point to an address, so not only do they lack contact details but they also have a broken link. Tsk tsk tsk!! But who am I to complain, a 94 is a sweet arsed score and dacks all over most others.
On a slightly different topic though (and please ignore the absolute lack of a segue), but don’t some people just give you the shits at times?? Often they don’t even have to do something and it gets under your skin, but when they actually do something… oohh, it’s the pits! I’m not even sure what it is but some people are just thoughtless, stupid, rude and flat out selfish. If you add in arrogant and egotistical then you’ve got the bulk of American men covered, but here in Australia it should be run differently. We’re better than that, and we’ve got two world wars to prove it!! (yes that’s right, Pearl Harbour can lick my balls quite frankly, it ain’t got nothing on ‘Darwin Harbour’ or Angry Anderson’s Kakoda Trail Tribute Tour).
Anyway, some how I’ve gotten off the topic. Ohh yes, people giving me the shits… Well I realised something today kids, what comes around doesn’t necessarily go around and karma although it sounds good in practice never really helps anyone. BUT, if you fuck enough people around you’ll eventually come across somebody who will want revenge. The first dozen people might wear your shit with a smile and let you wander on with your life, but eventually you’ll dish up just too much and that’ll be it!! …and that my friends is the special offer we’ve got running at The Opposite of Tits today.
Do you know somebody who deserves to be bent over the desk and spanked with a large kayak paddle? Has somebody gone through your entire group of friends sponging off every single one of them until the blood has run dry and the leech has to drop off and find new people to suckle on? Has someone just given you the shits for being nothing but flat out stupid? Well we here at january-3.diaryland.com feel your pain and want to help you out.
Recent U.N. sanctions on rebellious states have proven to be less than effective, and banishing infidels to take advantage of the parents of old school friends has only allowed these idiotic fools to continue their slovenly lifestyles. What we have to offer is much more. Have you ever watched Australia’s Funniest Home Videos (or America’s Funniest Home Videos if you are so geographically inclined to do so) and thought to yourself ‘yes, that dickhead really did deserve to get his balls jammed between two bricks after showing off his motorcycle skills on a construction site’ or perhaps you thought it was funny when that stupid ugly looking kid got its nose ripped off by the wild goose after it was tormenting the stupid animal for twenty straight minutes. Well that’s the sort of vengeance we’ve got on offer today loyal readers.
There’s no cost, we’re doing this for the love of the game!! So please, ask us what we can do for you. Our guestbook is feeling rather un-loved, so go ahead, tell us who needs to wear a big steal-capped boot up the date! All you need to do is pop onto our guestbook or tag-book, and describe in 1,000 words or less who you would like to see fucked over and why. From here we’ll find the most efficient and effective way of dispelling quick and just punishment to the he or she that is deserving the whipping.
Best of luck kids,
Jake Jameson
P.S. I am serious, I want some feedback on this one guys!!!!
