VS. 
As luck would have it the ever-present media has provided me with our second candidate for this illustrious section of the website. This week is a special week for two candidates will be nominated instead of just the usual one. The constant news reports have led me to nominate Iraqi Dictator and all round fruitcake Saddam Hussain & his American counterpart George W. Bush as our nutbags of the week.
As we are all aware the situation in Iraq is rather terse indeed, and it seems only the hand of GOD could stop any possible conflict. However, like all great leaders Saddam believes he has provided a solution to a second war in the Gulf. Instead of destroying his chemical and biological weapons, much to UN Chief weapons inspector Hanz Blix’s chagrin, he’s offered, nay some say challenged American President George W Bush (nobody is sure what the W stands for, however common rumour is that it stands for ‘wanker’ – a nickname he was first given in college) to a fight with wet newspapers followed by a live internationally televised debate.
Firstly, a fight with newspapers dosed in water doesn’t seem at all enticing. Perhaps Saddam should have taken a few tips from his Special Forces when they interrogated captured Americans in the past Gulf War by dosing his newspaper in petrol, and lighting it up. It would sure make for some more interesting hand to hand combat with America’s answer to the British talking chimps. Secondly, an internationally televised debate would sure to bring more laughs then the past 10 Montreal Comedy Festivals.
They can hold the debate just like a prize fight in the main ring of Caesars Palace Las Vegas. I can just see the advertisement now. ‘The Great Debate. Two of the world’s heavyweights duke it out in the ring. The fate of the world is at hand…only on payperview.’ Not only is the solution just damned silly (just about as stupid as war) but they expect the average bloke to pay for the privilege.
Lets just hope they don’t take us all with them on their giant ego trip. So Saddam & G.W. its hats off to you blokes. We salute your absolute nutty behaviour, and award you with your price to own ‘Freak Watch’ Statuettes.
Your Faithful Reporter
John Cutter
